donna
Full Member
Posts: 213
|
Post by donna on Oct 19, 2007 3:58:21 GMT -5
Claire, could you try and do something about Australia's crazy hours? I mean your place already has that weird half hour difference. Maybe you could convince then to drop the 12 hours or so difference? I finished posting just before 1am my time and thought to look for the Dark Skadows theme song since I had nothing else to do so I figured I would look for it and then close down. As son as I began searching, my IM buddy who lives in OZ popped up. For one reason or another we hadn't been able to catch each other for the longest. And we can talk forever even when we talk frequently. The only problem is that he gets online after he gets home from work between 3-4pm his time which is 1-2am my time. So when we do talk I can usually kiss sleep goodbye. It wasn't bad when my husband was alive and Luke didn't have to go to school but now it's a killer. But it's just way too much fun talking to him so I deal with it. But tonight since we hadn't talked in so long, we were on from 1am my time until 4am when his boyfriend came home and he had to go. But it is just too enjoyable and he frequently has me in hysterics. I have woken my son up more than once during out chats. Tonight was interesting. We both learned about different meanings for the slang we use. At one point, I reminded him as to how we started in a group we met in and mentioned how he showed his ass while going on a rant against the US in a post. He wrote Showed my ass?? and seemed quite nervous. I explained that it was just slang for going off or getting an attitude. He said Oh, bear your bum. So I guess that's what yu say in Australia. See what I mean about slang? He loves New York but doesn't know what to believe when he hears something. I told him to read a paper and he said that he did but couldn't understand what they were talking about. I told him to just write and ask if he had trouble with something. So he asked what a Liberal was. I thougt it a strange question because he is a very intelligent man. So I explained that our political system was mainly comprised of Democrats and Republicans and that most Democrats were liberals who cared for the poor and the people who were working but struggling just to get by and the Republicans mainly consisted of conservatives who were of the opinion of "F**K the poor. He said, oh, that's our liberals who think that. He told me the system there comsisted of Liberals and Labor. So now we both learned a lesson and now his question was perfectly understandable. I can see why it would be confusing if he was readinga New York story that was talking about liberals and his not being able to make sense of it. Now I'd better shut up since it's now 5am here. It was bad enough getting to sleep at 5:30am yesterday and now I only have 2 hours sleep to look forward to. I am going to listen to the Dark Shadows theme and ten go close my eyes. So Claire, is there any chance you could convince your country to turn day into night so I can get some proper sleep? Goodnight.
|
|
|
Post by psijunkie on Oct 19, 2007 6:39:49 GMT -5
Oh Donna, I'm feeling for you. I only have to deal with a half hour time difference ( 1 1/2 in summer for DST). You could always ask for the international date line to be shifted.
|
|
donna
Full Member
Posts: 213
|
Post by donna on Oct 19, 2007 11:22:41 GMT -5
Thanks for the empathy Annette. It is rough not being able to move until my mother has called enough to scream me awake and then my son takes over, actually poking me and yelling about what time it is. I think my mother has him programmed . I didn't get moving until 8am thid morning which left me 45 minutes to get his breakfast, fix his lunch, iron his clothes and dress him and then comb his hair and pack up his lunch and get out the door. My mother was going to drive him but the little brat insisted that I go so then I had to dress as well. Not to mention taking these tired old bones down 16 steps and then back up when I got home. So for the past 2 nights, I have had a total of 2 hours sleep each night. But it is worth it to talk to my buddy. I need the laughs and he had me laughing so hard last night when he was telling me about a visit from his boyfriend's mother. I was laughing so hard that I couldn't see the keyboard for the tears. OK Now about this getting the dateline moved, who could I ask who wouldn't call the men in the white coats to come and take me away? It is a lovely thought, though. I wish I could talk to him on his days off but since he's moved and has a new job, i don't know his hours. He used to be off on mondays so we could talk earlier then. I have to ask him about how busy he is on the weekends. It would be nice to be able to talk after my son's gone to bed and that would be between 10-11am and noon for him. I know I can't keep getting by on such little sleep. Now I have to leave here for a minute to write an email to my local weatherman who I just heard insulting my home state of New York. He should be used to my complaining to him by now. The funny thing is he actually answers me. OK, the weatherman has been told off for dissing my beloved New York. If he will answer this one, it probably won't be until monday. I think that was his last time on camera so he is probably off duty by now. So now I carn roam the site for a bit.
|
|
|
Post by psijunkie on Oct 19, 2007 21:30:00 GMT -5
Oh, I know what you are talking about in the kid department! I've raised mine for the last 15 years and 2 months on my own. I really have been there. Now I'm hanging out for James to get his driver's license so I can stop running them around so much. He's 18 on November 6. It doesn't matter how much you love them or how good they are, when you are tired, they push you close to the edge. Regarding the Date line.... Maybe someone in Greenwich? Who doesn't know where you live? In any case I'll vouch for your sanity if they find you. Of course, then we'll have to find an individual who can vouch for mine.
|
|
donna
Full Member
Posts: 213
|
Post by donna on Oct 20, 2007 0:11:22 GMT -5
I think we both might have trouble finding someone to vouch for us, Annette. By the way, hello. It's nice to not be on alone for a change. I adore my son but he always pushes me to the edge. And especially when he knows I'm not feeling well. Then he's at his worst. It's just a bitch being47 and dealing with a very active little boy. I have been alone with him since my husband died this past April. I was never so happy as when he started kindergarten. We have never been separated so it was rough for the first month or so. He just cried from the time he got up until the time he left for school. Thankfully, he loves it now. But I am amazed that his teacher told me that he is very good at school. Considering the fact that I was 41 and my husband was 52 when he was born, I just got the feeling that it was best to keep kim with us for as long as we could. Good idea as it turned out since he only had 5 years with his father. I think a good part of his not wanting to go to school, besided having to follow rules which he wasn't very good at was that he was afraid that I would disappear one day while he was at school. The poor kid has suffered more than his share of death in his few years. First, my brother moved here from California in December and in January he suffered a brain anurism and the last he saw of him was when the ambulance took him away. My brother was on life support by that evening so my mother could get to the hospital in the morning to say goodbye before they turned the machines off. His father had battled cancer a few years ago and his check ups were good after treatmet. But then in March, he lost his balance and couldn't stand so I took him to the hospital on a friday and on Monday I got a call telling me that his cancer had returned even worse. He had a tumor on his back and the cancer had spread to his spine and to other places and it was inoperable and they gave him 6-12months to live. He spent 3 weeks in the hospital and then the insurance company started to complain that he no longer met the criteria for staying there and would hae to be moved to a nursing home or hospice. Borh his doctor and my girlfriend recommended a hospice that was very nice si I was going to pick that. But my husband asked to come home. Since I worked in a hospital for many years I knew that I could take care of him and arranged for a bed for him. The hospice sent a nurse 3 times a week to check up on him and order meds whenever he needed it. I knew that it would be hard tending to both him and my son but my girlfriend was incredible. She would come and take my son out in the mornings so I could tend to his needs. It was rough but well worth it. My son would lie in the bed with my husband, kissing and hugging him, telling him that he loved him. I was so grateful that i decided to bring him home because the 6-12month prognosis turned out to be 5 weeks. So at least they got to spend those 2 weeks together at home. The day before my husband died, he was pretty much unconsious all day. I figured the end was near. When I woke the next morning his respiration was down to 4 breaths per minute. I called the nurse and then called my girlfriend to see if she could come and get him then. She was going to call me because she was sick and was afraid she would get my son sick. Since I would rather he get sick than watch his father die and get carried out in a body bag, I told her what was happening to my husband and she was at my door before I knew it. She went in to say goodbye to my husband and then got my son out. I went into the bedroom to get dressed to wait for the nurse to get there. I threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt and by the time i turned around, he was dead. She had gotten my son out just in time. I tried all day to to think of what to say to him to explain what happened and couldn't think of a thing. I asked my friend to keep him until the supply place could come and take the bed back. When he did get home, he wanted to know where daddy went and what happened to his bed. All I could think of to say was that Daddy had gone to Heaven to be with his Uncle Frank. He just went hystercal. It just broke my heart. I think he got too used to people just disappearing in the blink of an eye and he was afraid that I would just disappear while he was at school. Sometimes i wonder if I made a mistake in making him leave so he woldn't see his father die and get carried out in body bag. But ithink i would still make the same decision if I had to do it again. Luckily he seems to be adjusting and is getting used to the fact that I will be there every day. Plus he's enjoying finally being around kids his own for a change. I am so exhausted that it took me over three hours to write this and keep going back to correct misspellings because my eyesare crossing. And I still have to clean my bathroom yet. Sorry for the length of this note. I had no intention of telling my life story here.
|
|
|
Post by psijunkie on Oct 20, 2007 1:46:45 GMT -5
Donna, I am so sorry that both you and your son had to go through that horrible experience. I know how it feels to loose people you think that you can't go on without. I come from a very close family with a history of cancer and several of them have lost the battle. The worst loss for me was that of my grandmother who I really thought I could not live without. She and I were so close that we knew what each other were thinking and often talked in half sentences or finished each other's sentences. I am the third youngest of 29 grandchildren and was lucky enough to (along with my brother) have had more of her in my life than any of the others. It was worked out that she had her cancer for 15 years before it was found through mis-diagnosis and she managed another 5 years after it was found. My mother, grandfather and I nursed her through until 3 hours before she passed on and I, too, had a toddler to deal with as well. I sometimes feel that having to look after Jamie kept me from losing it through all that. I had to be normal for him. He too, used to sit on my Nana's bed with her and they had a very special bond. My then husband gave me very little support at all and my brother was in another state at the time so it was just the four of us and Nana. My mother was diagnosed with a Vilnius Adenoma at the sphincter 2 Christmases ago in England and I could not get there to be with her because I had no money at all. I had to rely on the fact that she had a very good friend who was there not only for her, but for me as well, and that she was in a hospital with the best medical support who would talk to me at any hour of the day or night. She now has a colostomy bag, but has recovered to live a relatively normal life. You are so lucky to have such a close friend who was there for you and your son. It is so uncommon to find such a special person as part of your life. But then, as I say to my children, you have to be a good friend to make one. You must be an exceptional person yourself. I have found one only in the last five years and I thank God that she has come into my life because I've had some tough times the last few years and we have both been there for each other. Your son will always cherish the knowledge that he had that time with his dad, even if some of the specifics fade in time. Jamie still talks about Nana and he only remembers the feeling of being on her bed with her. My daughter often gets sad when it comes up because she was not yet born. But loves the fact that Nana's home was her first home. I left their father when I was 3 months pregnant with her and we lived with my grandfather in that house until she was almost a year old. I know that the connection to such strong love and support is the most important thing you can give a child. I've worked in a primary school for 7 years and am now working in a daycare centre with children from the age of 8 weeks to 5 years and you can see the ones that lack the bonds that hold them together. Yes they do push the boundaries and always at the times when we are not well or too tired. We have to pull them into line and make them know the consequences of their actions. And sometimes we can't deal with them the way that we should, but if they have no doubts about your love and that you will always be there for them, they won't go too far off the rails. They will be respectful people if they learn to be one from you in the way you treat them and others. I hope this isn't a tedious lecture for you, I just wanted you to know that if you need an ear to listen who is not too close I am here and I'll understand and be some support for you.
|
|
donna
Full Member
Posts: 213
|
Post by donna on Oct 20, 2007 9:57:40 GMT -5
Annette, it was not tedious at all. Thank you for caring and the sympathy. You are absolutely correct about children. I would gladly die for my son. I never expected that I would have a child. Hell, I could barely care for myself. It's just amazing how children can change your priorities. My husband and I were together for 25 and a half years although we didn't marry until two years ago last June. After being together for over a quarter of a century, we didn't even make it to 2 years of marriage before he died. We never really thought about it until we had Lucas. Call me old fashioned but I believe that children deserve the stability of a "closed door". It just took us 3 years to close it. Both my husband and I kind of believed in an "open door" although it was never spoken of. We both just kind of knew that if it came to any problems, we could just walk away without any problems. It helped to not feel trapped. Not that we had any problems. Actually it was just the opposite. Since we both knew we could walk away at any time, neither of us ever felt the uge to do so.It just never really came up. But once we had our son, we knew it was time to get married eventually. He deserved that kind of commitment. Plus, my mother wouldn't give it a rest until we did. You're right. having a child does help you keep it together. You knowyou have to be there for him to help him through his grief. I was also lucky that I had my mother, who is the family rock and lives acros the street from me. She had actually spent the night before my husband died here because we both knew the time was close. I am a bit ashamed to admit that I was over medicating myself at first. I am on strong pain meds for my back. I have a slipped disc with a pinched nerve. Just doing the shoping can wipe me out. Plus, since it happened so fast that I wasn't dealing with it well, iI was on tranquilizers and I was taking way more than I shoud have been. Don't get me wrong, i never neglected him. I would cook for him and make sure that he was taken careof. i was just falling apart myself because I had lost the man I had been with since I was 21. But my son knew to call her if I would sleep late or whatever and she would come right over. And boy, did she rip me a new one, lecturing met hat I had to get over my feelings and worry about his. As for my girlfriend, I was extremely lucky to meet her. She was my downstairs neighbor and the first person I met when we moved here from New York. She is the sweetest person and would give you the shirt off her back. After she moved, we didn't have as frequent contact as we used to. But we both knew that the other was just a town and a phone call away if either of us needed something. When I told her that Hank was in the hospital and that he was dying, she was at my door within the hour with a handful of money, asking what could she do to help. I would have been lost without her while my husband was dying. She was also up at the hospital that afternon, visiting him.She was also devestated over his death and would call and ask if she could take my son to the park because she needed a "Lukey day"She loved watching him play. It would let her forget about her own troubles. I'm not trying to brag here but everyone who meets him falls in love with him. It started with the nurses who used to come to my house twice daily to take care of my treatments each day because the resident who did the c-setion and follow up treatment just kept telling me that everything was fine when I asked her every week why the wound smelled so bad. I know infection when i smell it but I quess she didn't. . It got to the point where I couldn't stand smelling myself. The pain got so bad that I could barely walk so i went back to the clinic. So they wanted to take me for an MRI. The nurse asked if I wanted a wheeklchairand I said yes. i just couldn't walk anymore.. I usually say no, preferring to walk. The nurse stared at me as if I was the laziest bitch she'd ever met, She told me it was just around the corridor. I said I didn't care, get me a damned chair. Turns out that I was so fine that 5 weeks to the day that my son was born I was getting surgery to get rid of gangrene in my stomach. At least this time I got a real, experienced doctor. He actualy had the nerve to tell me that I basicall got a "free" tummy tuckwhen he was describing what he did. For everything they did to me, you'd think the bastard could at least have done both sides and evened me out. I had to leave my son for 5 days with my husband, mother and my niece when he had spent every minute of his life next to me from the time he was born. hHs bassinet was even in my hospital room after he was born. We both had to spend the first 5 days in the hospital. I could only imagining where he thought I had gone to and what a look alook of surprise in his eyes when he saw me. And then the sweetest smile came over his face. It just broke my heart that he might have thought i deserted him. And that's how the nurses ended up having to come every day since the doctor left my stomach wide open for it to close up on it's own. The nurses came for months. They would stop at his cradle first to coo over him and say how beautiful he was.That's why the nurses had to come every day and what a long story that was just to explain why they were there to swoon over his sweet mouth and long eyelashes, I had use a teaching hopital and I had to go to the high risk clinic each month and then every week. There were so many complications. dero farShe took him out one day to a friend of her's who was an accountant but loved to take pictures and had expensie cameras and an extensive set of developing equipment. He had a professionable ability for it and she had him take a beautiful set of photos for me and he also made a set for my mother when she fell in love with the pictures. And since it was Mother's Day the next day, she also took him to the store so he could buy a beautiful frame to put the best photo in it. Although my brother lived here for only a month before he died and she had never met him, she was at the church service for him . Even cashiers in the stores will ask about him if he's not with me. If he is with me, one cashier will step out from her busyregister to terl him in the air. Others will give him candy or chips He knows he's loved. We say it a few times a day to each other. I will sometimes tell him that I love him but don't like some of the thigs e does when he's bad I'd better close this rambling book now. Thanks for your concern..
|
|
|
Post by psijunkie on Oct 20, 2007 15:55:37 GMT -5
Lucas sounds like a lovely and very lucky little boy. I don't think a little boasting about our kids hurts occasionally. When I had James I walked up to the nursery in the hospital one night when I couldn't sleep and the nurses on duty told me he was the cutest baby. when I responded that all babies are cute they looked at each other and said "Oh no they're not!". I also can't help but think that you were given a gift when the universe knew that your husband wouldn't be with you much longer. It's amazing how, when our life changes, it rips us apart and we start all over again. I'm in the process of weighing up if I'll pack up and move to Melbourne to be close to my Mother and my brother and his boys. It won't be immediately, I still have to finish my course and see my daughter through her French Immersion course at high school. But, now that Mum is back in Australia I want us to be closer to support each other again. My brother's marriage is not a good one but he'll never leave because of my nephews no matter how difficult his wife gets. My Mum told him he was an abused husband a couple of weeks ago (emotionally not physically) which we have suspected for years. But he's chosen to stay with his boys. My kids won't like it. I have stayed in one spot all their school lives deliberately because I went through so many schools that I never made any long term friends until my last years of high school. But they also need to know that you move when the time is right. James wants to go to Adelaide Uni ,where his girlfriend is, for Chemical Engineering when he's finished his bachelor of Science anyway and we would be much closer in Melbourne. He could get home more often. Time will tell.
|
|
|
Post by Sailor Earth on Oct 21, 2007 1:02:48 GMT -5
Ooh really? I didn't realise he had a girliegirl, LOL! Aaw...
|
|
donna
Full Member
Posts: 213
|
Post by donna on Oct 22, 2007 1:12:30 GMT -5
Annette, before I get to your message, I must apologize for writing my life story. When I am sleep deprived, I am also brain dead. I do apologize.
|
|
donna
Full Member
Posts: 213
|
Post by donna on Oct 22, 2007 1:36:47 GMT -5
Annette, I should have told you how sorry I am at the loss of your grandmother. It hurts badly to lose someone you were that close to. At least your son has some memories of her. It's a shame your daughter couldn't have known her. It seems like she was a very special person. A little boasting about our kids wouldn't be so bad but I have grown so used to my son being complimented on how beautiful he is, I'm just like, "Yeah, thanks" At a party I took my son to earlier sunday, a woman I went outside to have a cigarette with said when we came back in "He's so cute" I said "Who" She said "Your son" I said "Oh, yeah." I was a bit embarrassed when I realized what I had just said. To this day I don't know how we made such a gorgeous kid. When my son was a baby, his pediatrician kept driving me nuts by calling my son "she". When I mentioned this to one of the nurses at the clinic I was going to she asked if he was really that beautiful. I said "Yes." Actually, he's too good looking for his own good. I hope he gets through life on more than his looks. God forgive me but the nurses who told you that all babies weren't beautiful were right. Some have a face only a mother could love. There is nothing harder than looking at one of these poor childrenand telling their mother with a straight face what a beautiful baby they have. That makes me sound like a horrible person i'm sure but unfortunately it's the truth. I was given a gift at an age that I never expected. But I do have to keep reminding myself of that sometimes. Moving is a very hard experience. I moved to the godforsaken place I live in now from my beloved Long Island 5 years ago and am still not used to it here. Ilived on the Island for my whole life before we moved. Besides missing NY, I miss my beautiful Atlantic Ocean so bad that I could sometimes cry. But atleast most of my family is here. While moving will be hard on your kids, at least you will be close to your family. If you do make the move, hopefully they will adjust fast. Please excuse all the misspellings in my previous post. I am not normally so illeterate but I ws so tired that the keyboard was swimming.
|
|
|
Post by psijunkie on Oct 22, 2007 1:40:34 GMT -5
Ooh really? I didn't realise he had a girliegirl, LOL! Aaw... Jazz is Chinese, (from China really!) here for her education and she has more chance of getting a resident's visa if sh does uni in Adelaide. Will post a photo of them at the yr 12 formal later. ;D I love hearing about people's lives. Never apologise for that!!
|
|
|
Post by Sailor Earth on Oct 22, 2007 1:50:09 GMT -5
Ooh really? I didn't realise he had a girliegirl, LOL! Aaw... Jazz is Chinese, (from China really!) here for her education and she has more chance of getting a resident's visa if sh does uni in Adelaide. Will post a photo of them at the yr 12 formal later. ;D Ooo coolness ;D Hehe Jazz is a cool name How'd they meet, if you don't mind me asking?
|
|
|
Post by psijunkie on Oct 22, 2007 2:08:55 GMT -5
She came to his high school to do her senior certificate in Australia after she'd already done it in China. She's a couple of years older than him, but such a lovely girl. We get on really well. Her dad is a detective in the police force in the city she's from.
|
|
donna
Full Member
Posts: 213
|
Post by donna on Oct 22, 2007 2:13:04 GMT -5
Annette, thanks for being so thoughtful and understanding.
|
|