|
|
Post by Sailor Earth on Aug 30, 2005 1:58:22 GMT -5
Narrator: Britain... Britain... Britain... Land of the free, and a land of opportunity. We also invented Post-it notes and those little seals around pill bottles. Well perhaps not, but who cares? Britain is fantastic either way...
For this little adventure, we head on down to the Northern town of Royston Vasey, where the locals thrive on precious things and special stuff...
***
Benjamin Denton: *sighs and looks at his watch* Where is Barbara... I organised her to pick me up almost half an hour ago... *looks down the street on which he is waiting* Come on, come on...
|
|
|
|
Post by touchmypreciousthings on Aug 30, 2005 2:18:55 GMT -5
Tish: Thanks for the lift Barbara, Uncle Charlie and Auntie Stella don't even know i'm visiting for the weekend...well maybe a bit longer...i left my job y'see? They were all bitches there anyway, and no hot guys, apart from the gay guys of course....
Barbara: Well I like me men straight I do, plus need someone who knows how to treat a womans body with loving attention especially to the nipply area, there are hard as bulletts since my last hormone injections....
Tish: awwwwww daHling, you is just so funny, your almost like a gay guy arn't you?
Barbara: WOT?! Thats it! I've had enough of these comments, out you get!!! I could have you!
Tish: Jeeeeeezus....oh babs, tis cool if i just have a little loany cause i dont get my serverace check till next week? *jumps out and runs off*
Barbara: OI! you get back ere, im not doing this for charity, i gots me 5 operations to pay for yet! *gets out to chase her* aaaaaaaah feck it!, i'll get her later....oh sugar nips! i'm late for me pick up! *get back in and speeds off*
|
|
|
|
Post by Sailor Earth on Aug 30, 2005 2:26:19 GMT -5
Ben: *sighs* For god's sake, I just want to get the hell out of here before ... Oh wait... *sees a blur of pink speeding towards him as Bab's Cab arrives* It's about time!
Babs: Sorry luv, had to deal with something. So where are you off to this time?
Ben: Anywhere that isn't Royston Vasey *starts to climb into cab but pauses when he sees something else that catches his attention* What the...
|
|
|
|
Post by touchmypreciousthings on Aug 30, 2005 3:00:58 GMT -5
*Tish crawls out from under the boot where her long dread extensions got caught in the wheel axle while she was trying to retrieve her bag*
Tish: Ssssh, don't let barbara know im here....i just forgot my rolly packet and my scissor sisters tape....can you get them for me cutie?? *batts eyelashes and rubs road marks from face*
|
|
|
|
Post by Sailor Earth on Aug 30, 2005 3:06:43 GMT -5
Ben: *stares at her, speechless*
Babs: What's goin' on back there? You al'right luv? *looks into rear vision mirror and sees Tish* OI! What d'ya think yer doin?!
|
|
|
|
Post by touchmypreciousthings on Aug 30, 2005 3:13:04 GMT -5
Tish: Shit!....quick get me the bag! *grabs at the bag at the back and runs of clomping in her platforms* *runs round the corner of the pub* GOD! Too much running....i need something totally bridget jones fattening right now!!! *looks into bag and sees mens underwear, sunglasses, a book with a pciture of the guy on it from the taxi, train tickets and a wallet* Oh shit! I grabbed the wrong bag!....hmmmm *looks in the wallet* Well he seemed sweet...i guess i could borrow a few squids... *takes 20 pounds and puts the bag into the church charity bin* off to the pub...weeeeeee, hope theres some cute gay guys!  |
|
|
|
Post by Sailor Earth on Aug 30, 2005 3:16:25 GMT -5
Ben: *shakes head* Well that was strange... Wait a minute! *notices his bag is missing* Oh crap! That weird girl took my bag!
Babs: Don't worry, luv, we'll get it back. Hop in and we'll go look for her.
Ben: *sighs heavily and climbs into the cab* I just want to go home...
|
|
|
|
Post by touchmypreciousthings on Aug 30, 2005 3:43:07 GMT -5
Tish: *staggers up to Charlie and Stellas front door* knock knock! *burp*
Stella: *opens door* Oh tish, what the ell are you doing in Royston Vasey?!
Tish: hey Auntie Stella! I've come for a visit to see you and uncle charlie!
Stella: Well come in come in, don't know where the bastard is, i've gotten back from holidays overseas and he's not here, the house a mess too... he's done this to piss me off!
Tish: I'll keep you company Stels...lets crack open some red wine and goss, im dyyyyying for some nicotine *eyes packet of cigarettes on table* Can i bum some ciggies aunts? Its just that the babs cabs took my bag! got my scissor sisters tape n everyfing in it!
Stella: Go on, but i'm popping out for a bit, got a meeting with my gambling couciller at the greedy sli...errr, down the road...be back round 10!
Tish: okies Auntie! i gots to talk to my gay boyfriends...im SUCH a fag hag...i love it!
Stella leaves.
5 mins later
KNOCK KNOCK!
*Tish looks out window and sees Ben on doorstep*
SHEEEEET....
|
|
|
|
Post by Sailor Earth on Aug 30, 2005 3:58:52 GMT -5
Ben: Excuse me...? Is uh... *looks down at Tish's wallet, which he found left in Bab's cab* Is there a... Tish... here...?
|
|
|
|
Post by touchmypreciousthings on Aug 30, 2005 4:06:26 GMT -5
Tish: *trying to disguise voice* No there is not! But we are her relatives so just leave her stuff by the door!...oh and I left...i mean she left your bag in the charity bin for the church! Go there tomorrow and see the vicar and get it back!......tata!
*prays ben believes her*
|
|
|
|
Post by Sailor Earth on Aug 30, 2005 4:08:52 GMT -5
Ben: *arches his eyebrow* How did she know about that...? *he wonders to himself.* Oh. Well. Ok... Thanks for that... *puts Tish's bag down on the front doorstep and turns to leave*
|
|
|
|
Post by touchmypreciousthings on Aug 30, 2005 4:21:14 GMT -5
Tish: PHEW!! *screams after ben* YOU ARE SO HOT I WANNA HUMP YOUR LEG *claps hand over mouth* *thinking 'god why can i NOT ever act normal around straight guys....no wonder i've never had a boyfriend!'*.....
|
|
|
|
Post by Sailor Earth on Aug 30, 2005 4:27:18 GMT -5
Ben: *stops and turns around slowly* Oh dear god... They're all nuts here! *races back to Bab's cab and climbs in* Can you take me to the church? Right now? Get out of here? That girl is frightening me!
Babs: A'right luv, no worries... *reaches behind and taps Ben's leg reassuringly*
Ben: *shrinks back into the corner of the seat* Oh god...
|
|
|
|
Post by tweed on Aug 30, 2005 4:34:32 GMT -5
Judee looks down at the beautifully hand written card in her hand. She reads it out loud to herself.
Judee: Position Vacant, see Mrs Judee Levinson, Spit and Polish salon. Perverts need not apply.
|
|
|
|
Post by touchmypreciousthings on Aug 30, 2005 4:34:40 GMT -5
Stella: *walking down to the Greedy Slits sees Bab's cabs drive past her and catched the eye of the handsome guy in the back, winks at him and makes a kissy face*
Stella passes past Judee's salon and her anger boils over she sees a rock on the side of the road and is about to throw it into the window....
|
|
