Bloke from Auf Wiendersain Pet: "well the medics have been trying to tell me that shes been dead for around about 9 months, but I dont think that could be right, I mean, yes she was very cold, yes she was very quiet, but come on, I would know if my wife was dead wouldnt I? She was always very cold when I met her, both sexually and in the kitchen. But to answer your question, yes it came as a great shock to me. See, when I last left the house you see I left her in the hot water tank as an effort to warm her through, and also filled her with cavity insulation foam using a bycicle pump up her arse. She should have been as warm as toast, but when I got home she had bloated up to the shape of a silver tank and became very brittle. You know, i think it was the bumpy ride in the ambulance to the hospital that actually killed her. But will I get an appology from the Highway Department, or a promise to reduce the amount of speed bumps? No no no no I very much doubt it."