Post by highvoltageziggy on Apr 10, 2007 7:22:03 GMT -5
Ok here it is! ACT TWO!
Intrducing Laurence's family!
SCENE 1. INT. NIGHTINGALE PLACE - MILLOCK HOUSEHOLD - DAY
ZIGGY FLYNN IS ON THE PHONE TO LAURENCE WHILE EMMA MILLOCK IS STITCHING UP A BRIDAL DRESS WHILST SMOKING AND DRINKING
ZIGGY:
(PUTTING THE PHONE DOWN) Did you know who that was?
EMMA:
Who darling? Your mother?
ZIGGY:
No that was Laurence!
EMMA:
Is he a friend of yours darling?
ZIGGY:
No he's my brother! (BEAT) Your nephew! Don't you remember? And he's coming to stay with us
EMMA BECOMES WORRIED
EMMA:
What!
ZIGGY:
He's looking for a flat at the moment so I said he could have 56. It's been vacant for months and we never use it!
EMMA:
(PAUSE) Your brother?
ZIGGY:
Yes
EMMA:
(PAUSE) my nephew?
ZIGGY:
Yes
EMMA:
A man!
ZIGGY:
(PAUSE) yes. Nephews are usually men!
EMMA STARTS TO FAKE A HUGE ROWING LAUGH TO COVER UP HER HUGE RAGE OF ANGER AND FEAR
EMMA:
If you want a man in the house darling we can get a dog
ZIGGY:
I'm sorry? Come on it'll be fun! Nice to have a man around the house for a change
EMMA:
Why?
ZIGGY:
Well… Why not?
EMMA:
Well wouldn't it be difficult for us darling?
ZIGGY:
I don't think so. You've met him before. He's really lovely.
EMMA:
That's not what I'm talking about darling
ZIGGY:
Oh well… what are you talking about?
EMMA:
I'm talking how difficult it would be for us darling. When I rent out my flats and spend ages and ages preparing them before hand. I design them for us ladies as this a women's house. If a man where to step foot in these flats he would not know his way around.
ZIGGY:
I'm sure he would. He's a very cleaver man.
EMMA:
Not if we made it hard for him.
ZIGGY:
Look auntie Emma he really needs a place to stay and flat 56 has been vacant for ages it's time we used it! Come on! Please!
EMMA:
Oh alright have him over.
ZIGGY:
Oh brilliant! Thank you! We haven't seen each other for such a long time and we've been in the same town for long its crazy. He's been so busy with work
EMMA:
Yes whatever darling. However before he comes you must show him the ropes. We can't have a man getting lost in his own home can we?
ZIGGY:
Of course not.
EMMA:
Even if we set some traps for him
ZIGGY:
Sorry?
EMMA:
Nothing dear. Come along
SCENE 2. INT. NIGHTINGALE PLACE - FLAT 56 - DAY
AUNTIE EMMA ENTERS FOLLOWED BY ZIGGY WHO TRIES TO FOLLOW HER EVERY WORD.
EMMA:
Flat 56 I call the game room. Because it has so many tricky features that it's easy to confuse the two.
ZIGGY:
I see
EMMA:
First the cooker now I don't care for gas darling. The smell distracts me from my perfume.
ZIGGY:
Well that's good because Laurence doesn't like gas either.
EMMA:
Why? Does he wear perfume?
ZIGGY:
Well erm… sometimes
EMMA:
(PAUSE) right? Anyway the cooker is very straightforward. A monkey could operate it really. And I keep the cutlery, crockery and cookware in (INDICATES) these cupboards
ZIGGY:
Brilliant
EMMA:
Now the bathroom
ZIGGY AND EMMA PROGRESS INTO THE BATHROOM.
EMMA (CONT'D):
Now everything should be to his satisfaction. If he doesn't care for scented bath oils or soap he can by his own or replace them with aftershave or whatever equivalent he had for pleasure.
ZIGGY:
I'm sure it'll be fine
EMMA:
Now what else can I show you… The balcony.
ZIGGY:
Oh now I really don't think….
THEY WALK TO THE BALCONY AREA
EMMA:
Now Ziggy I really do try to keep a good reputation here in London as there's much competition about for tenants so in order to so I don't appreciate revolting behaviour in my house. If your brother no matter how drunk he may be would care to engage in activates such as spitting, throwing food or urinating over my precious balcony tell him there a better places to do such things. Toilets, litter bins and underground tube stations. I will not have innocent people coming to my flat block complaining that they have been spat on by the force of nature. (BEAT) Nor will I appreciate idiots walking by my building early in the morning chanting to themselves "Good god. It does rain here!"
ZIGGY:
I'm sure Laurence has the decency not to do that
EMMA:
Well good. Now I best get back to the shop. You'll need to show him the guest room
ZIGGY:
yes
EMMA:
The cupboard where I keep all the lady china
ZIGGY:
I don't think he'll use those
EMMA:
The plants, The dining area, the living area.
ZIGGY:
Really I don't think….
EMMA:
The chairs, the tables, my office
ZIGGY:
Auntie Emma I don't think all this is necessary!
EMMA:
(PAUSE) What?
ZIGGY:
I don't think all this is necessary!
EMMA:
Are you saying what I'm doing is pointless?
ZIGGY:
Not all of it
EMMA:
Darling without this touring. How is he supposed to get around the house. Hmm? Shall we give him a map? Hm? Shall we let him explore for himself like a caveman?
ZIGGY:
I just don't think he'll use any of it that's all.
EMMA:
Oh really. What will he being doing then? Laying on the sofa watching sport as if there is nothing else to do in the house?
ZIGGY:
He'll hardy be in at all! And when he is he wont be using any of this.
EMMA:
Why darling?
ZIGGY:
Well he's a doctor. If you want my honest opinion I imagine half the time he'll be in the bedroom.
EMMA BECOMES OVERRULED WITH HORROR
ZIGGY REALISES THE MISTAKE SHE HAS MADE AND TRIES DESPERATELY TO COVER IT UP
ZIGGY (CONT'D):
No! No! No! I didn't mean it like that…
EMMA BEIGNS TO STORM INTO THE KITCHEN AREA WITH ZIGGY FOLLOWING HER TRYING TO REPHRASE HER PREVIOUS STATEMENT.
ZIGGY (CONT'D):
I meant sleeping
EMMA:
With who!
ZIGGY:
With himself.
EMMA BECOMES MORE SHOCKED
ZIGGY (CONT'D):
No please!
EMMA SEARCHES IN THE CUPBOARD UNDER THE SINK
ZIGGY (CONT'D):
What are you doing?
EMMA EMERGES FROM THE CUPBOARD WITH A WHOLE BOX OF CLEANING PRODUCTS. SHE IS EXTREMELY ANGRY
EMMA:
IF HE WANTS TO MAKE A MESS, HE CAN CLEAN IT UP!
EMMA TRIES TO STORM INTO THE BEDROOM BUT IS STOPPED BY ZIGGY'S CONSTANT DESPERATION FOR HER ATTENTION.
ZIGGY:
NO PLEASE I DIDN'T MEAN IT! LET HIM STAY.
EMMA:
WHY DARLING? ARE YOU INVOLVED AS WELL?
ZIGGY:
(DISGUSTED) NO! JUST… for me…. let him live here. I'm begging you
(PAUSE)
EMMA:
Why should I
ZIGGY:
(VERY NERVOUS) Because I love you! (PAUSE) And I know deep down inside you love me too
EMMA:
Oh alright! I'll give him a week. But ANY nuisance and I will deal with him myself.
ZIGGY:
Oh thank you. He wont be any trouble. I'll make sure it
EMMA:
good
THERE IS THE SOUND OF A DOORBELL FROM THE MAIN BUILDING
ZIGGY:
Oh that's him. I'll go…
EMMA:
(STOPPING ZIGGY LEAVING) Wait darling! One more thing
ZIGGY:
Yes?
EMMA:
Just in case he feel the needs to do such… activity in my house. (HANDS ZIGGY A CLEANING VANISH STICK) Teach him how to use this.
ZIGGY:
What is it?
EMMA:
It's cleaning fluid. It's very good at getting read of accidents. If he calls them accidents.
ZIGGY:
I will.
THE DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN
ZIGGY (CONT'D):
I better go let him in.
EMMA:
Yes yes alright
ZIGGY:
You will be nice wont you auntie Emma?
EMMA:
Yes yes whatever darling
ZIGGY:
ok
ZIGGY EXITS
EMMA:
(SNIFFING THE CLEANING STICK) Ugh! Still stinks from the last time I had to use it.
Intrducing Laurence's family!
SCENE 1. INT. NIGHTINGALE PLACE - MILLOCK HOUSEHOLD - DAY
ZIGGY FLYNN IS ON THE PHONE TO LAURENCE WHILE EMMA MILLOCK IS STITCHING UP A BRIDAL DRESS WHILST SMOKING AND DRINKING
ZIGGY:
(PUTTING THE PHONE DOWN) Did you know who that was?
EMMA:
Who darling? Your mother?
ZIGGY:
No that was Laurence!
EMMA:
Is he a friend of yours darling?
ZIGGY:
No he's my brother! (BEAT) Your nephew! Don't you remember? And he's coming to stay with us
EMMA BECOMES WORRIED
EMMA:
What!
ZIGGY:
He's looking for a flat at the moment so I said he could have 56. It's been vacant for months and we never use it!
EMMA:
(PAUSE) Your brother?
ZIGGY:
Yes
EMMA:
(PAUSE) my nephew?
ZIGGY:
Yes
EMMA:
A man!
ZIGGY:
(PAUSE) yes. Nephews are usually men!
EMMA STARTS TO FAKE A HUGE ROWING LAUGH TO COVER UP HER HUGE RAGE OF ANGER AND FEAR
EMMA:
If you want a man in the house darling we can get a dog
ZIGGY:
I'm sorry? Come on it'll be fun! Nice to have a man around the house for a change
EMMA:
Why?
ZIGGY:
Well… Why not?
EMMA:
Well wouldn't it be difficult for us darling?
ZIGGY:
I don't think so. You've met him before. He's really lovely.
EMMA:
That's not what I'm talking about darling
ZIGGY:
Oh well… what are you talking about?
EMMA:
I'm talking how difficult it would be for us darling. When I rent out my flats and spend ages and ages preparing them before hand. I design them for us ladies as this a women's house. If a man where to step foot in these flats he would not know his way around.
ZIGGY:
I'm sure he would. He's a very cleaver man.
EMMA:
Not if we made it hard for him.
ZIGGY:
Look auntie Emma he really needs a place to stay and flat 56 has been vacant for ages it's time we used it! Come on! Please!
EMMA:
Oh alright have him over.
ZIGGY:
Oh brilliant! Thank you! We haven't seen each other for such a long time and we've been in the same town for long its crazy. He's been so busy with work
EMMA:
Yes whatever darling. However before he comes you must show him the ropes. We can't have a man getting lost in his own home can we?
ZIGGY:
Of course not.
EMMA:
Even if we set some traps for him
ZIGGY:
Sorry?
EMMA:
Nothing dear. Come along
SCENE 2. INT. NIGHTINGALE PLACE - FLAT 56 - DAY
AUNTIE EMMA ENTERS FOLLOWED BY ZIGGY WHO TRIES TO FOLLOW HER EVERY WORD.
EMMA:
Flat 56 I call the game room. Because it has so many tricky features that it's easy to confuse the two.
ZIGGY:
I see
EMMA:
First the cooker now I don't care for gas darling. The smell distracts me from my perfume.
ZIGGY:
Well that's good because Laurence doesn't like gas either.
EMMA:
Why? Does he wear perfume?
ZIGGY:
Well erm… sometimes
EMMA:
(PAUSE) right? Anyway the cooker is very straightforward. A monkey could operate it really. And I keep the cutlery, crockery and cookware in (INDICATES) these cupboards
ZIGGY:
Brilliant
EMMA:
Now the bathroom
ZIGGY AND EMMA PROGRESS INTO THE BATHROOM.
EMMA (CONT'D):
Now everything should be to his satisfaction. If he doesn't care for scented bath oils or soap he can by his own or replace them with aftershave or whatever equivalent he had for pleasure.
ZIGGY:
I'm sure it'll be fine
EMMA:
Now what else can I show you… The balcony.
ZIGGY:
Oh now I really don't think….
THEY WALK TO THE BALCONY AREA
EMMA:
Now Ziggy I really do try to keep a good reputation here in London as there's much competition about for tenants so in order to so I don't appreciate revolting behaviour in my house. If your brother no matter how drunk he may be would care to engage in activates such as spitting, throwing food or urinating over my precious balcony tell him there a better places to do such things. Toilets, litter bins and underground tube stations. I will not have innocent people coming to my flat block complaining that they have been spat on by the force of nature. (BEAT) Nor will I appreciate idiots walking by my building early in the morning chanting to themselves "Good god. It does rain here!"
ZIGGY:
I'm sure Laurence has the decency not to do that
EMMA:
Well good. Now I best get back to the shop. You'll need to show him the guest room
ZIGGY:
yes
EMMA:
The cupboard where I keep all the lady china
ZIGGY:
I don't think he'll use those
EMMA:
The plants, The dining area, the living area.
ZIGGY:
Really I don't think….
EMMA:
The chairs, the tables, my office
ZIGGY:
Auntie Emma I don't think all this is necessary!
EMMA:
(PAUSE) What?
ZIGGY:
I don't think all this is necessary!
EMMA:
Are you saying what I'm doing is pointless?
ZIGGY:
Not all of it
EMMA:
Darling without this touring. How is he supposed to get around the house. Hmm? Shall we give him a map? Hm? Shall we let him explore for himself like a caveman?
ZIGGY:
I just don't think he'll use any of it that's all.
EMMA:
Oh really. What will he being doing then? Laying on the sofa watching sport as if there is nothing else to do in the house?
ZIGGY:
He'll hardy be in at all! And when he is he wont be using any of this.
EMMA:
Why darling?
ZIGGY:
Well he's a doctor. If you want my honest opinion I imagine half the time he'll be in the bedroom.
EMMA BECOMES OVERRULED WITH HORROR
ZIGGY REALISES THE MISTAKE SHE HAS MADE AND TRIES DESPERATELY TO COVER IT UP
ZIGGY (CONT'D):
No! No! No! I didn't mean it like that…
EMMA BEIGNS TO STORM INTO THE KITCHEN AREA WITH ZIGGY FOLLOWING HER TRYING TO REPHRASE HER PREVIOUS STATEMENT.
ZIGGY (CONT'D):
I meant sleeping
EMMA:
With who!
ZIGGY:
With himself.
EMMA BECOMES MORE SHOCKED
ZIGGY (CONT'D):
No please!
EMMA SEARCHES IN THE CUPBOARD UNDER THE SINK
ZIGGY (CONT'D):
What are you doing?
EMMA EMERGES FROM THE CUPBOARD WITH A WHOLE BOX OF CLEANING PRODUCTS. SHE IS EXTREMELY ANGRY
EMMA:
IF HE WANTS TO MAKE A MESS, HE CAN CLEAN IT UP!
EMMA TRIES TO STORM INTO THE BEDROOM BUT IS STOPPED BY ZIGGY'S CONSTANT DESPERATION FOR HER ATTENTION.
ZIGGY:
NO PLEASE I DIDN'T MEAN IT! LET HIM STAY.
EMMA:
WHY DARLING? ARE YOU INVOLVED AS WELL?
ZIGGY:
(DISGUSTED) NO! JUST… for me…. let him live here. I'm begging you
(PAUSE)
EMMA:
Why should I
ZIGGY:
(VERY NERVOUS) Because I love you! (PAUSE) And I know deep down inside you love me too
EMMA:
Oh alright! I'll give him a week. But ANY nuisance and I will deal with him myself.
ZIGGY:
Oh thank you. He wont be any trouble. I'll make sure it
EMMA:
good
THERE IS THE SOUND OF A DOORBELL FROM THE MAIN BUILDING
ZIGGY:
Oh that's him. I'll go…
EMMA:
(STOPPING ZIGGY LEAVING) Wait darling! One more thing
ZIGGY:
Yes?
EMMA:
Just in case he feel the needs to do such… activity in my house. (HANDS ZIGGY A CLEANING VANISH STICK) Teach him how to use this.
ZIGGY:
What is it?
EMMA:
It's cleaning fluid. It's very good at getting read of accidents. If he calls them accidents.
ZIGGY:
I will.
THE DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN
ZIGGY (CONT'D):
I better go let him in.
EMMA:
Yes yes alright
ZIGGY:
You will be nice wont you auntie Emma?
EMMA:
Yes yes whatever darling
ZIGGY:
ok
ZIGGY EXITS
EMMA:
(SNIFFING THE CLEANING STICK) Ugh! Still stinks from the last time I had to use it.